There’s a Fine Line between Being Alright and Looney Tunes

So fucking much is going on right now, and this is an off the cuff rant so please excuse yourself now if you would like, otherwise stay and all advice and criticisms are welcome.

I know Jimmy Dees-Dillidaroo and Susie Q REALLY wanted DJT to be the POTUS again, yet I don’t think they understand what it’s like to be feeling in utter chaos all the time. Some people really do thrive it that don’t they, perhaps that is why they need war and chaos in our society. Our future feels like chaos. Our past feels like an echo chamber. The present is a gift that I don’t know if I should open or re-hide.

I miss Sleepy Joe and Professor Biden. When they were in office the world was still fucked because – you know- Humanity; but America was calm enough to let go and let government and do my own thing. I have enough bullshit in my every day life, and healing to do from all my past life. So on top of that, having all this nutty shit in the media, socials, news and every fucking where I turn is tooooo fucking much.

So you want to say then don’t watch, don’t read it, don’t look! Yes yes, I have tried that. I have a fiction book I’m reading. I’m trying to limit social media time and restrict or limit the political post I see, but reality seems like fiction so—- what now.

Where is the line between dissociation and normalization? I don’t even know. I read continuously before I got out of school and started drinking and druggin’. I didn’t realize until I was a full on adult sober and 39ish that teen me reading the complete works of Jane Austen and Hemingway was a form of dissociation. I did not want to face present day life and past trauma.

Now I am middle aged or something like that. I have a 401k, 3 sons- working and/or going into college soon, a senior mother on Medicaid, a disabled brother, and a mother in law with health issues on Medicare. I make an average living of a middle class person in SEMO. Which, gratefully I do admit, is much better than when I was surviving in poverty from 2004-2018, but BUT- we are still living paycheck to paycheck practically! My two adult sons cannot even afford to move out. The rent prices in this small Missouri town are outrageous and would take most of their paycheck. Then they would start adult life on their own in poverty too. What is the fucking point?

Oh ya and about that 401k and Roth IRA also; all this investment to live like a “millionaire” (says Dave Ramsey) in 25 years. What if all this goes to shit in a pale basket and the investment money isn’t even there when I am old? Then I have worked my 40’s and 50’s and 60’s away in a job I frankly really can’t stand 90% of the time, and never wrote a book or sold art or even shit that looks like art. I don’t want to wake up one decrepit day to see that I worked my middle age away paycheck to paycheck investing 10%, and spending another 20% on freaking health insurance all for nothing.

Furthermore, I don’t want to wake up in 25 years in my mom’s shoes in poor health from WAY too many years without insurance, and now reliant on the government’s Medicaid program, in poverty, addicted to nicotine and Facebook.

I don’t know how people have lost their mind and then think I have lost mine? Someone called me up the other day and said not to worry because starlink is taking over and merging with ALL the communications systems and television. Starlink will be merging with ATT, Verizon, and t-mobile, cable tv, and internet companies.( Ryan Reynolds are we safe with you?) In order for this massive switch over to work they will have to shut off all communication for 10 days.

( Wait wait there’s more.)

When the communication networks and television come back on there will be a 24/7 PSA type ticker tape feed that displays ALL THE SECRETS that the deep state have been keeping from us for all this time. Along with keeping us up to date 24/7 – I repeat – scrolling across your screen of all of the current truths from one source that can be relied on, and this will abolish all the other fake news sources and disinformation.

“Well fuck me running! 1O days, you say? Is this a movie script?”

I wish I had said this, but since I was speaking on a recorded line at work to a supervisor I refrained and stayed demure with the “oh ya? Ya don’t say? Well that is wild, isn’t it?”

Now mind you, if I thought any of this were true at all, I would be horrified. I do not think she even knows what she just spoke of and what all that actually means. If that were a plan, that plan would be fascist. I don’t think if the common farmer wants totalitarianism. However, I could be wrong. She told me all of this in utter excitement of what is to come. As I see a death to every dream any of us ever had, and ponder pulling my 401K and running for the deep woods, she seems to think all of our goals are achieved in our country.

How in the fuck are we all looking at the same thing and seeing something different?

It’s the fucking internet, I tell ya.

I knew when Kt bought those Doc Martens on the computer to be mailed to her house in 1997 that something was amiss. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

Yet,here we are- the Amiss.